The long awaited post.

What a pretentious title. 

So today, i had a sudden boost of courage to become a comedian, a dream which i have been dreaming ever since i could remember my dreams about being a comedian. 

In my last post, i said that ‘i don’t think that i have got what it takes’, or something to that effect.. Well phoo-ey to that, i’m going for it because well, atleast if i fail, i know i can’t. Better to have tried and failed, than never to have tried at all… 

I’m looking into rather expensive comedy courses, which if anything should boost my confidence enough to actually get on a stage, even if it’s just to make the money i’ve spent on it worth it. 

I’ll post some of my more refined stuff here, just as a place to have it. If you like it, say so in some way or another, that would be a confidence boost, lie if you have too.

I’ll try to keep it as ‘safe for work’ as possible, for my grandparents sake.

oh yeh, there’s snow, ice, i’m fine, life is good…etc etc…

Tut-tar!

Asda shopping arrived the other day. 

It’s like being at home, the food just arrives at your door. However the woman delivering it isn’t your mother, and you have to pay for it yourself. Which is a bit of a let down if i’m honest with you.

I made a number of mistakes regarding my food shopping, i ordered 5 juice cartons that decided it would be funny to look like Andre the Giant cartons on the website and decided to be Warrick Davis size cartons in real life.

I had much a similar experience with the Carté Dor Ice cream i bought. Which comes in a tub barely suitable to bathe a field mouse in. 

Otherthan that, i bought a healthy supply of fruit. Which is almost gone. 

Today, i went into London. To visit 2 agencies. First we visited ‘Lean Mean Fighting Machine’ a small agency of around 30 people. It was really good to see how successful these 2 blokes had made themselves. They started LMFM in their front room, and their first client was Channel4 which was only a small £10K brief, which to Channel4 was tiny but to LMFM was pretty big for a first brief. I think i would much prefer to work in an agency like this, it’s smaller, more personal and more laid back. They have a putting green in the roof of their offices. 

Next we saw LBi which is very much a cooperate agency built around money.  
Comprising of around 400 people, they have clients from Peroni all the way to …Grolsch
, I wasn’t really listening at that point. 

However i did like something about LBi

We were set a small brief inside LBi. 

Simply, Make Walking Exiting.

There were plenty of good ideas, however none as good as my groups..
Which was, in conjunction with the London 2012 Olympics, everyone who applied for tickets and didn’t get them would be sent a pair of shoes. With each pair of shoes there was a 100 in (however many people didn’t get tickets) chance of winning a ticket to the Olympics. The way you discovered if you won was wearing down the soles of your shoes from wearing them out, slowly revealing a hidden message. Telling you about winning a ticket.

We won a nice bottle of Chenin Blanc.
I let the rest of the group fight over it, as i don’t like wine… or whatever french stuff it was.

Spent the rest of my evening watching films.. 127 hours, good. Buried, Bad. Transformers 3, Good, regardless of what my halfwit wannabe film critic friends think of it.

Dreams of becoming a comedian are dwindling, Don’t really think i’ve got what it takes. 

On a plus side, i’ve managed to balance my speakers on top of my TV, i get much better sound clarity now. Huzzarrr. 

Onto the weekend.

Lord it’s been a long time since i blogged. 


I’ve been getting quite a few comments from people saying that i haven’t blogged recently, so i suppose i should do one. 

What has happened since i last posted?

Well, we were given a task by JWT, one of the biggest advertising agencies in America. The brief was to create a ‘re-brand’ Quality street, make the brand more accessible to people of our age group, make it appeal to younger people if you will. 

The group with the greatest idea would have their idea pitched to the Creative Director of JWT and if he liked it, it would be pitched to Nestlé, 

This was our groups idea. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGRxTPLVW54

It seems to of had a fair amount of views. Now, whilst i agree it may not be to everyone’s taste it has certainly hit our demographic. The youtube statistics show that the majority of people who have watched the video are 18-23 year olds. Which was our target audience.

Yes Mum, Dad, Grandparents, Siblings.. I went to uni to creative videos of teddy bears humping barbies. 

Can’t really remember what else has happened up until Christmas. 

So then it was Christmas. A fantastic time in which i see my favorite people, get to socialise and be merry! except i had to be home and see my family.

I jest of course, I enjoy seeing my family.

I realise that i have reached that age, or part of my life where Christmas is no longer all about presents, i suppose it’s more about seeing family and getting together with friends. 

So that was nice. 

As a task over christmas we were tasked to create a well designed piece of text, a synopsis on our first term of uni.

I shall post a link to it, rather than embed it. Because it is HUGE.

http://i43.tinypic.com/t9w8yg.jpg 

Yes, I realise that it is a big blue wall of egotistical, not particularly true, self indulgent Bullsh*t.

But let’s be honest. What is this blog?

What else?

Oh, i’ve decided to attempt becoming a comedian, that should go terribly. 

i’ve decided to get my shopping delivered by asda. Because food tastes better when it just turns up at your door. 

I realise that it’s not the most amazingly written, comic filled, insight into my life. 

But i’ll get back into the swing of things. 

Suppose that’s it.

Oh i got twitter, @LiamjMajor

For those times when you don’t have the time to read my life story.. just 140 characters of it.

A Tale of Loss.

Well Well Well.

It’s Tuesday the 18th of October. 

This weekend I went home. Funnily enough I felt at home at home, it was somewhat a relief to be home away from all the pressures of student life. My bedroom has been emptied, and all of my stuff put into boxes. so my bedroom isn’t mine any more, Which is somewhat depressing. I liked my old room. Yes it was full of shit, Yes you couldn’t actually see the floor, YES there was a mouldy cup of tea on my desk that contains more life than parts of London. But it was my shit, and my invisible floor and my life culture in a mug. And now it’s all gone.

Being home was nice though, I could get a cup of coffee without having to worry about remembering keys and not locking myself out. I could walk to the loo in my underwear without fears of my flatmates noticing the batman logo. And most of all, I could get annoyed at my little brother and sister for being my little brother and sister. 

Because believe it or not, i missed them, their constant noise, their immature ways, their constant questioning. Everything. I don’t think i called them a single name whilst i was at home either, and that used to be my thing. I used to great my little brother with some sort of homophobic remark to acknowledge his appearance. But really he doesn’t deserve it, he is a smart, funny little man, i know he’s going to be something great. even if he isn’t i’ll still be proud of him. I’ll never say any of this to him. He simply doesn’t deserve that kind of ego boost.

And Harley is cool too. 

 Yesterday morning i awoke to a text from my mum, saying simply ‘Ring me when you get the chance Darling. x’ Now, as a man, i understood that something was not right. But that morning i had to do a presentation in my course leader based on a Brief i had been given a couple of weeks ago. 

The Brief was: ‘Do something based on the word Delicate

I had come up with the idea of deciding that people were delicate. And focused more on how easy it was to put people down and demoralise them. I realised if it was this easy to put people down, Why is it not this easy to moralise people? to make people happy? and inspire them?

I did it with a simple video. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciYk-UwqFKA

And with that i had inspired people to maybe be a little bit happier in their lives. hopefully a little bit more inspired to do something for others and make a difference. 

Some would say that taking a 2 and a half week brief and just using someone elses video at the end of it is a cop out. 
But don’t put me down.

At this end of this i was inspired myself.

I had a spring in my step and a smile on my face.

Then i remembered to ring mum.

Nala, our dog. Possibly the most fantastic dog that their ever was. People would come in contact with my dog maybe once or twice, and fall in love with her from then on.

Unfortunately, The news that mum had to tell me. Is that she had to be put down that morning.

Possibly the worst moment of my life right there.

People can tell you they are sorry. But it doesn’t really help the situation. I don’t think they have anything to be sorry for. Unless they did it?

Yeah, i’m not going to lie, I was upset, i still am upset, I’m fairly sure i’ll be upset for a while longer.
The only solace i can take is that i saw her that last time at the weekend.

Bless my dog. I see why people might be religious now. Nala is the first thing i have loved to die, (other than that venus fly trap i had when i was 13) and because i am somewhat of a strong atheist, I can see why people prefer to see that she might have gone to a better place, rather than rotting in the ground or being burnt to ashes.

Can’t argue with that logic.

There was a certain irony in my last Brief.

In other news, i just received a job as a blogger for Netcars. I get paid to write about cars and gadget cars and car gadgets. 

I have named my blog: Liam Major - Former Q

Genius.

It’s early doors at the moment, But it should be really good. 
It’s quite odd writing about a blog inside a blog. Inceptblog. 

In class we received another brief today.
Create a person.

This will be our first Module of work, the rest was just practice, examiners actually mark this one.

Might create a dog. 

Thursday! 

I can’t really remember the last time that I posted something. 

I think it was about a week ago. But anyway. Last Friday i travelled on the train to go see Kirsty in Brighton. 
I had to get a train from High Wycombe into London Marylebone, This was around an hour long, and was somewhat enjoyable, going out into the world on my own. I’m a big boy. Two things happened on this train.

I found an amusing sign that kept me amused.  

I got annoyed with a man playing Scrabble because he was being beaten by the computer. HE COULD OF HAD A 20 POINT WORD WITH TRIPLE WORD SCORE!!

Stupid people with the iPads

Once i was in London i was faced with a difficult decision. Continue on foot to the next station, walking via Hyde Park as the sun sets or Get the disgusting excuse for public transport that they call the ‘underground’. 
Given my lexical choice, I opted to walk.

Walking through London wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I was walking through the expensive parts, so it was Lamborghinis and Ferraris as far as the eye could see. So i felt safe, Nothing makes you feel safer than knowing that people are more likely to steal the cars around you than your phone, I mean, my phone is good and all, but it’s hardly a chick magnet like an Aston Martin, and in that respect I felt safe.    

Walking through Hyde Park as the sun set was nice, although i was in a rush to get to my next train. I had time to take in some of the sights and beauty all in-between me walking with bigger strides than a small child who has pooped themself.

anyway, i reached my final train with half an hour to spare. considering that, had i got the rat tunnel it would have taken me twice the time, i am officialy twice as fast as a train. But i got on the last train and i was happy to almost be there.

Arrived in Brighton to find Kirsty waiting at the train station for me. She says it was so that i didn’t get lost on the way to her flat, but really i think she just couldn’t wait to see me..

We spent the weekend doing virtually nothing. We walked around some shops and bought some clothes, i had a play in the apple store and decided that i’m getting an iPad. Purely for the fact that i can annoy people behind me on trains.

Couldn’t really ask for a nicer weekend. 

I was suppose to leave Brighton on the Sunday evening. 

I didn’t leave until the Monday. 

The train back was boring, I had nothing to do or eat. So i was out of my comfort zone. 

I ended up getting the Rat tunnel around London back to Marylebone, as i didn’t want to walk through London at that time of night.

Big mistake, I would rather be repeatedly stabbed with a fruitknife for my paper wallet than take the Underground again. 
Also. Whilst we are on the subject, i have a problem with them calling it the underground. Although lexically correct, it’s semantically mangled in its description. It implies that not many people know about it. And why call it the Underground in the first place? we don’t call buses the ‘Onlands’ or boats ‘Floating’, London should be banned from naming things based on its location. 

Got back home, Went to the pub. Had to many pints. Fin.

Nothing else has really developed this week. 
We have been constantly complaining about the state of the internet. Not like the entire internet, i’m not suggesting that someone should higher a cleaner to tidy it up, make sure everything is organised and hide all the porn under a bed made for Jo Brand, as that’s the only place it all will fit. 
We have complained about the internet because currently we have a download speed of 9kBps, For those of you who dont know, at that speed it would take 694 hours to download her dvd.

Tonight, i am off to go to the Comedy Night. The reason i am doing this is because for my course we have to do something that ‘we wouldnt normally do’
Now, the comedy night was not my first choice, it was my last. I somewhat see it as a blessing that in the end i didnt have to go to the opera or the ballet. But hey ho.

 I’ve ran out of things to say.



bye. 

Good Afternoon!

It is a blissfully hot Thursday afternoon, and I am sat inside blogging and playing video games. I love being a student.

Not many things have happened in the passed couple of days. But none the less i shall tell you about them, and you will be damn grateful for the experience.

Over the weekend, A friend of mine and me were given a ‘Brief’ which is basically just us being told to do something. 
The brief was a treasure hunt like task. In which we were given an area of High Wycombe to search for certain ‘Objects’. Objects is in quotes because we had to find People etc. as well and i do not stand for objectifying women!
However as is my course we couldn’t simply do the task at hand, we had to think of a new, exciting and completely different way of presenting our findings.

Many of the Items and tasks were things such as ‘Buy a pencil and draw it’ and ‘find a stone and draw it’ ‘Find a pair of shoes’.
Basically this course is ‘Someone will tell you what to do, and you have to NOT do it’ which is cool.

So we took it upon ourselves to make it into a story. And rather stupidly i decided to animate.

Here is the outcome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v39qgC_ByYw 

Basically it’s the story of a lonely Pencil and a pebble who tries to befriend him.

Its about as touching as diarrhoea.

Anyway. So last night we waited about 4 hours to see Dirty Sanchez get on stage and do a 15 minute set. Which was pretty appealing in all senses of the word.
But we had a good evening anyway, And i really enjoyed myself.
I share a house with some of the best, Funniest, Nice and Genuine people ever.

It doesn’t get much better. 

So now it’s today, Nothing really to report. 

Currently, Not even a man with solid gold testicles could be happier than I am.

Apologies for going a bit quiet for the past couple of days, I can only assume that my absence was filled with something just as important to you, all be it less entertaining. So I shall sum up the last couple of days. Get ready for some major TL;DR1.

Tuesday is where I shall begin.
It was the Student Union’s Comedy Evening. I was expecting good things from the evening, I love a bit of comedy and if I was funny I would be one.
The first act comes on, i wasn’t expecting much. but who should enter the stage than the none other Andi Osho2! She was fantastic, a great surprise. After Andi (That’s right, first name terms) another man came on, unfortunately I can’t remember his name, which is bad because he was very good. After he did his bit a comedian called Piff the Magic Dragon entered, He was very funny. A crap magician, but very funny. Unluckily for us we were sat in close to the stage but off to the side, giving us quite the view to see behind all his sleight of hand stuff, slightly ruining the illusion. Never the less he was good, My favourite joke of his still remains the opening of ‘Hi everyone my name is Piff the Magic Dragon you may have heard of my brother…… Dave’

—-

The next day (Yesterday) (Wednesday)
Consisted of going into uni a couple of times, and a pub crawl. The pub crawl was our houses alternative to going to a ‘Toga Party’. We only just managed to stop a clearly dyslexic person arriving as a Goat.
Thoroughly enjoyed the evening and really got on well with the fellow Howlandians as they are now called3.
Most of the guys have the same interests and we get on really well. When you all decide to have a LAN party4, you know Uni life is good.

——

Today began at about 8 o’clock. Upon which I, rather unbelievably, got straight up and headed for the shower. And by rather unbelievably I mean the fact that I got up at 8am, NOT the fact that I had a shower.

After which I headed out to join some SOCIETIES! The societies I have joined are as follows:

AirSoc, This is by far the society that I am looking forward to the most. For those of you that don’t know, Airsoft is a sport i have been keen on for a number of years. This is purely a way to continue my love of the sport.
SnowSoc, Much as the name suggests, this is to do with snow. Apparently they go on lots of adventurous snowboarding/skiing trips and they cost lots of money. But I was interested and love snowboarding so couldn’t resist.
BoxSoc, Is a fantastic new invention which is basically a cuboid like sock that is used to keep robots extremities warm in the winter months. It’s boxing society basically, much to the dismay of Kirsty, But I have never actually hit someone, I feel that this could be a nice way of letting some frustration out. Again, it’s probably best to clear up. I mean that the dismay of Kirsty’s is because im taking up boxing, NOT because i have never hit someone5.

After this is was visited by aforementioned woman and it has put me in an excellent mood. So much so, that i might use a smiley. :)
This will no doubt be difficult but we can do it, because we are awesome. :)
Christ, look. Another one.

Other than this brief entry I have nothing to add other than, i have found out how to make things BOLD!

Footnotes:

1:http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=tl%3Bdr

2:http://www.andiosho.co.uk/

3:We live in Howland House.

4:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LAN_party

5:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hybristophilia

Went out last night, ended up meeting a fair few nice people, it was good to meet the people i’ll be living with and from there i feel a little bit happier and safer. 

Knowing the people has really helped, i didn’t want to be that guy that no one knows, but at the same time. But at the same time i kind of like be own company. I mean, i’m so awesome who wouldn’t?

Today I met every one on the course. They seem like a good bunch of people, and about as nervous as i am. Everyone really is in the same proverbial boat. 

Lynette (The course leader) says that ‘When you leave for Christmas in a few months, you wont recognise your self, even your parents wont recognise you’ I don’t really want to change, i have a decent life with awesome friends, family and Kirsty. If i change, hopefully it’s not too much and hopefully you will still like me. 

Also, today we got our ID cards, my picture makes me look like rapist. 

Today felt a little bit like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vP2P8mhif-g

With me, Liam Major, trying to find internet. 

With bonnie.. My Bonzai tree looking over me as i search through the number of wifi spots available. Only to discover that in most case, ‘Security got to it’. 

When i finally found unprotected Wifi, it was more pleasing than ever, even the simplest little amenity makes life okay.

Yeh, i danced around my laptop for a bit. Yeah Bonnie did too.

i might add that, my accommodation does have wifi, i just cant be bothered to walk to find out the password for it.

i have no video to make a comparison too.

Today felt like the scene from Armageddon. Where the man leaves the woman, and doesn’t know how long he will be gone, or if he will see her again. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3JWFklREK8

Except there was was no singing. There was no Burly black man, there was no distinctly unburly white man. And neither of them were singing. 

And as much as i wish i was right now, i am not in a bright orange NASA space suit. 

So really it wasn’t like it at all. 

The only comparison that i can make is that the film is about the end of the world, and today it felt like, the end of my world. But before I drown in my half empty glass, i swap to a more optimistic point of view. 

Rather than the end of something, this is the beginning of something. something good.

The world off Liam and Kirsty will continue, the Uni Asteroid will not destroy it. 

Now my analogy has lost steam and look like an idiot.

Done.